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Stop the Auditing Companies BS nonsense

BS can mean a Bachelor of Science. But here at TiltSoft, we mean exactly what you have in mind: Bullshit

Dessin signé LB paru dans le numéro 1293-1294 daté du 23 décembre 2021 de "Marianne", reproduit avec l'autorisation du magazine.
Cartoon by LB from "Marianne" magazine #1293-1294, dated Dec 23rd, 2021, reproduced with the magazine's authorization.

What is BS in the Business World?

As TiltSoft's founder, Steve (an M.Sc. by the way, not a B.Sc), I have been working since 1980 and was faced with an increased amount of bullshit in the course of my professional life.
Tired about that, I tend to stick to real professionals. There are absolutely no reasons to have to deal with incompetents hiding behind bullshit facades.

Bullshit is a full flourishing business and has a lot of traction
I have noticed that some entire business plans are based on bullshit. There are a few very well known worldwide consulting/auditing companies, usually hiding behind a 3- or 4-letter acronyms. They're so powerful today that they even invented an entire terminology to fool you. 
They defined and fine-tuned that vocabulary with two goals in mind:
1- impress incompetents
2- not looking like incompetents themselves

The department store Xmas package concept

Ever walked into a department store around Xmas? Each of them have at least one big Xmas tree. At its foot: tens of beautiful shiny wrapped boxes, the gifts, tied with golden strings. This exudes happiness, it inspires confidence and spreads a feeling of well-being, wealth and comfort. 

But you know one thing for sure: the boxes are empty. And that's the point, what counts is the illusion.
That's the business plan 101 of those auditing companies.

How does it work?

Those bullshit companies usually come auditing yours. Even though, and despite what they say, they have no clue whatsoever about your competence fields, and offer only so-called experts. They'll state that you don't know how to run a business and they're going to help you fix everything.

With no skills to provide, they will charge you a few hundred thousands dollars (if not a few millions), they're going to take over your company's way of life, soul, nice working environment and brave, smart and dedicated employees. They're going to break everything, impose absurd strategies, new ways of thinking out of the box and best practices
Of course, when real professionals from your company unveil the auditors incompetence, 
they will argue that there is "as usual, a lot of resistance to change, it's a normal stage". This is the worst bullshit excuse. 
Professionals never resist change when this latter is justified. This universal excuse to justify anything serves one goal: wipe out any opposition. This works exactly the same way as when someone bullies co-workers, and then pretends to be the one bullied.

The pity in this is that, most of the time, the auditors will leave after the carnage, pat themselves on the shoulders and endorse the fat check at the bank. Your company will face major difficulties, struggling, since everything has been disrupted. That's your new standard, sold as "efficient".
Overtime, it's thanks to the efforts and professionalism of your existing employees, who will revert back to the way they used to work, that your company will be back on tracks. At that point, we usually reach the peak of imbecility: after the unnecessary chaos ignited by those auditing companies, the CEOs and the director boards will proclame "Wow, amazing how things changed, how the company has improved!" without even realizing that it's just thanks to the employees good will. Without realizing that you actually looped back to where you were before those idiots came and broke everything. Your employees provided the efforts to undo what has been undone. Undone for no reasons. At a price.
In the meantime, money has been wasted and thrown out of the windows, motivation took a dive among your employees. For what gain?
We're not saying that everything is perfect in every company. But usually, when things have to be fixed, it can be done directly while sharing your employees domain of competences, and they're pretty broad. Keep in mind that your employees have the knowledge, the competences your business requires, they have the company's spirit in mind. Isn't that the very reason you actually hired them?
Discussions, listening, giving them a voice can do miracles. And hey!, even better, that comes at no extra charges since you already pay them for that !

TiltSoft red flag chart

If you're a real professional, you will NEVER use the words listed in the bullshit cheat-sheet below (table 1).
Why? Because you're a professional: therefore you don't need them. You don't need to hide anything. You don't need to pretend being something you're not.
As a simple remedy, if you have to deal with a company trying to sell you something or a service, be aware.
Those words should trigger a red flag and make you run away:

Project perimeter

The Gartner Group said...


Cockpit, Dashboards

Best Practices


Competence Center

The steering committee 

New Public Management

Reformulate your needs

The “strategy” used...


Vision document

Transmit the elements to…


ITIL, IS, Processes


Transverse project

Project impact

Debriefing meeting

The Maturity

The dynamic behind...

The Comfort Zone

Resistance to change

The roadmap

Arbitrage committee

Customer Portfolio

Table 1: the Bullshit cheat-sheet

Fraud. Total fraud.

Stay away from those companies,
they're total fraud. They only sell smoke screens. And as you know, smoke is carcinogenic. Those companies only provide a thin, very very thin layer of varnish to supposedly let you shine in public. May be perfect to attract investors, but you will never deliver anything. The irony is that they pretend to think out of the box but they all have the same thinking from inside the same box.
And remember: varnish always flakes off eventually, exposing the raw material.

Conclusion: Your Team Is Your Real Value

When you have quality raw material, you don't need varnish.
Your raw material is basically your employees. Spend time hiring real professionals, be open to their advice, treat them well, pay them well, give them a voice, remove toxic persons.
When you have good employees, happy to work with you, competent persons, that raw material is gold. It shines by itself.

Some reading
On Bullshit, by Harry G. Frankfurt
* In French: Libres d’obéir. Le management, du nazisme à aujourd'hui, by Johann Chapoutot

Pictures from Pixabay.


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